baby dentures?

I sure hope Evan has teeth. Seriously, he's 9 months and 3 days old and has been chomping at the bit for 4 months, and still no sign of teeth! I sure hope he's got some teeth in there.

new trick

Kyle somehow has taught Evan a new trick. High 5! If you hold your hand up to his and say 'high 5', Evan totally claps his hand against yours. It is the CUTEST thing! And suddenly in the last week he's learned how to crawl, full on crawl with his belly off the floor, AND pull himself up to a standing position, all by himself! WOW. And he can transfer his hands too, from coffee table to sofa to someone's helping hand, and back again to the coffee table. He'll take one hand away and hold it up to the ceiling and then quickly put his hand back. Though sometimes he forgets that he has to hold on and lets go of both hands, at which point he falls very ungracefully plunging usually head first into the floor. :( But he's determined, it doesn't phase him at all. He just pulls himself up all over again.

We introduced Evan to table foods at Thanksgiving. He had mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, a little stuffing, and a little bread. He didn't care for the texture of the bread. Last night he had a little spaghetti with us. He really liked the tomatoes, onion, mushroom, and bell pepper. SO CUTE! I know they say you're supposed to introduce foods one by one, but oh well. If there's a problem, I'll just back track.

Last night I talked to my grandpa and grandma on the phone. I'm so excited, they haven't been to the US in 7 years, and they're coming on Friday to see us! HOW WONDERFUL. I think it's the most wonderful Christmas wish. :) I want to take a family picture of all of us together for the holidays. :) I feel lovey dovey.

naked evan!

i'm making good progress

I had never been plagued by guilt...until I became a mom. My first run in came when Evan was very young still. He was sleeping all the time between feedings and instead of holding him while he slept, sometimes I preferred to be on the computer or whatever, doing something else. And I felt supremely guilty for that. What kind of mom doesn't hold her baby I thought? I actually had someone tell me that feeling guilty is part of being a mom.

Well now that Evan is almost 9 months old, I am starting to let go of those non-helpful guilty feelings. For example, yesterday after we got Christmas trees, I stayed at home and had me time while Kyle took Evan to a friends house to hang out with friends. I didn't feel guilty about not going along. I didn't feel guilty about not being with Evan. I didn't feel guilty about wanting to be alone. I felt absolutely liberated. I made Christmas cards, and Christmas lists, and bought Christmas stamps. I looked through pictures. I took a bath. And I didn't answer the telephone when it rang while I was in the bath.

It 'only' took 9 months. Thank god it's getting better. For my second child, I think it will be a different kind of guilt, because I simply won't have time to tend to them as exclusively as I did with Evan. But I guess I'm hoping that 'I'll know better' and not feel as guilty. Because the only person that suffers is me!!

two firsts

Evan is 8 months old and I experienced two of his amazing 'firsts' this month.

When I get home from work, the first thing I do is take Evan upstairs with me and I change into my jammies. A few weeks ago one evening, Evan got very excited and he was following me around. I layed down in front of him and said, "Come here Evan, come on." And he scooched to me, like an army crawl...he was all excited and determined. And when he got to me he put his little tiny hands inside mine and smiled all big. And my eyes filled up with tears. He had come to me!

Leaving for work in the mornings and saying goodbye to Evan and my mom is probably the hardest part of my day. Of course it helps knowing that he is with my mom and that she loves and cares for him very much. Last week, an absolutely mind blowing thing happened. Evan had just woken up very smiley and happy. Upstairs in his room my mom was holding in the rocking chair. I said good bye and waved at them, and Evan WAVED BACK!! Huh? Did that really happen, or was it a coincidence? So I waved again, and AGAIN Evan waved back! OH MY GOD! A 3rd time, he waved again!!! Okay, it wasn't really a wave, it was more like flapping his arm up and down, but it was intentional and extraordinary. As I walked down the stairs to my car, my eyes filled up with tears again!

What a wonderful thing it is to have a little baby boy who is growing up to be a bigger baby boy.

just a few pics that brighten my day (and hopefully yours too)

Evan's big toothless grin is hilarious. It's been so long that I've seen him without teeth that seeing him with teeth will be so weird! Evan was actually having a great time in his pack n'play, yelling and talking. This picture just cracks me up because it appears as though he's screaming to get out.

I love this picture because Evan's eyes are so big and black and pure, and his face is so soft, but the icing on the cake is the piece of sweet potato puff on his face.

sigh of relief

Today Evan had surgery at Children's Hospital, and everything went very well and we're all home safe and sound. Right now I'm taking a 'break' and purging some of my feelings. Today has been really hard for me. My eyes are red and my head hurts from crying so much. But actually Evan did SO GREAT, it's just that I was SO WORRIED.

Evan's last solid food, including formula, was last night before bedtime. So that means that when he was getting prepped for surgery he was starving, plus there was so much going on that he had a hard time falling asleep for his nap even though he was in my arms. So he was starving and tired, and still he was not fussy. I could not believe it. He is such a sweet little boy. Evan didn't cry once before surgery, even though all these strangers were around. Even when they took him away Evan did not cry. I watched as the 2 anesthesiologists, one carrying Evan, walked down the hall away from us, and my eyes started tearing up. Evan didn't turn around and he didn't cry at all. Such a happy boy.

After surgery Evan was supposed to have clear fluids, like Pedialyte, apple juice, or water...but Evan just wanted milk. He cried and cried until the nurse said it was ok to give him formula, and then he was happy. We had a hard time finding a pharmacy that had oxycodone in a liquid infant formulation...but then Walgreens came through. Just a few hours after surgery, Evan's appetite returned.

I can hear Kyle reading a new book that we got in Hawaii to Evan about fish. Kyle has been my rock throughout this day. Keeping me calm and telling me everything is going to be ok.

Evan seems just a little fussy, but surprisingly is happy to crawl or stand still. I'm afraid for him that these activities might hurt, but I guess he'll let me know if it does. It's almost time for bed. I hope everything goes smoothly. Tonight we were instructed to wake him every 4 hours to give him pain medication and some food with it. Deep breath....we'll all get through this.