i'm making good progress

I had never been plagued by guilt...until I became a mom. My first run in came when Evan was very young still. He was sleeping all the time between feedings and instead of holding him while he slept, sometimes I preferred to be on the computer or whatever, doing something else. And I felt supremely guilty for that. What kind of mom doesn't hold her baby I thought? I actually had someone tell me that feeling guilty is part of being a mom.

Well now that Evan is almost 9 months old, I am starting to let go of those non-helpful guilty feelings. For example, yesterday after we got Christmas trees, I stayed at home and had me time while Kyle took Evan to a friends house to hang out with friends. I didn't feel guilty about not going along. I didn't feel guilty about not being with Evan. I didn't feel guilty about wanting to be alone. I felt absolutely liberated. I made Christmas cards, and Christmas lists, and bought Christmas stamps. I looked through pictures. I took a bath. And I didn't answer the telephone when it rang while I was in the bath.

It 'only' took 9 months. Thank god it's getting better. For my second child, I think it will be a different kind of guilt, because I simply won't have time to tend to them as exclusively as I did with Evan. But I guess I'm hoping that 'I'll know better' and not feel as guilty. Because the only person that suffers is me!!